At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
