It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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