Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
