I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
