tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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