I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
