Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
