so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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