to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
