i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
