i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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