sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
