found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
