I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
