Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
