those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
