i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
