i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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