actually, I'm a sock model
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
