i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
