their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
