Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
