just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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