My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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