My nipple is on Facebook.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
