Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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