I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
