you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
