He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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