I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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