Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
