I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
