one might say we're banned from that church
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
