Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
