I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
