What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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