sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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