When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
