I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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