it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
