I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
