just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can I color on your dick again?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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