I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
