He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
