hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
