Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
