after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
