I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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