Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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