i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
