she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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